Not all of us are comfortable in our own skin. Some are very secure that they exude confidence. Most usually, they succeed in life, have meaningful relationships with others, and are respected by all. They have influence or power over other people, even though they are not really powerful. On the other hand, some are insecure that they struggle through their relationships with others and with their general outlook in life. However, nobody can be perfectly secure. Yet there are really those who are very insecure that they drain the energy of the people around them.
It is hard to identify people who have much insecurity. But dealing and being with them, we see signs and certain manners that indicate that they are insecure people. Here are ten common signs that someone is insecure.
Overly selfish. Studies show that men tend to be more like this when insecure. A selfish person often finds security by surrounding himself with attention and accolades.
Overly accommodating. This behavior is common to both sexes, but women are more likely to be this way. Overly accommodating people always seek the approval of others. They are obsessed with the idea of pleasing others that they do anything possible to gratify them.
Overly materialistic. Showing off is a coping mechanism for insecurity. Insecure people feel that by acquiring wealth and showing off, they will gain people’s attention and acknowledgment. Thus, they tend to buy things excessively, or things which they just can’t afford. We see people owning cars, the newest appliance, or high-end gears even though they don’t make much money. A secure person does not need to show off. He gives little care for what others think about his possessions.
Defensiveness. Insecure people are not open to criticisms. They find it hard to accept their flaws and shortcomings that hate being analyzed. So for whatever critiques, they become overly sensitive and respond with defensiveness. Secure people are not like that. They can handle criticisms and are open to hear what others say. They don’t try to argue because they are comfortable with themselves and are happy with who they are.
Dominating. In an attempt to be respected, insecure people tend to be dominating. As in a conversation, they seek to be listened to. They can’t stand silence so they fill each void and moments with their endless talk. Even when others talk, they can’t wait for their turn so they often interject their own views. They can’t let others overshadow them that they desperately want to be the best or the center of attention. Secure people don’t behave that way. They can tolerate silence, listen to others talking, and enjoy other people’s talk. In the workplace, dominance is manifested in being overly authoritative. Insecure people hide their lack of confidence by taking out their frustrations on their subordinates. They will often scream and ridicule others.
Inappropriate joking. Life must be filled with humor since it is necessary for anyone’s emotional health. However, some people, particularly the insecure ones, go beyond the limits of being funny. They love the attention derived when people laugh at their jokes so they frequently try to be humorous, even when it is in the expense of other people. Their jokes are mostly malicious to the point that others become uncomfortable with them. Again, insecure people love attention that they joke excessively. Secure people, even though not natural jokers, are sensitive to others and know when a joke is funny or offensive.
Self-promoting. Insecure people always strive to prove themselves. In effect, they promote or talk about themselves constantly. They tend to exaggerate even the littlest thing they do to make themselves appear great or heroic. It is a compensation for self-doubt that they frequently promote themselves. Meanwhile, a secure person does not have to be a braggadocio. His confidence and qualities naturally show. He lives his own life and does not struggle to prove himself.
Bullying. People who are insecure always feel threatened by others. To cope with this, they try to bring others down and bully them. Only with the downfall of others that they feel safe.
Overly competitive. Defeat makes an insecure person lose even the little confidence that he has. Hence, he tends to be over-competitive. Competition is good since it is a vital part of anyone’s development, but when it just becomes too much, then there is a problem. Most usually, this problem points out to those people who can’t accept defeat and who makes a big emotional display out of it. A mature and secure person behaves otherwise. He wins or loses with grace and respects his opponents.
Insecurity in relationships. Signs of insecurity in a relationship are jealousy, abusiveness, possessiveness, and even over sexuality. Insecure partners tend to control their partners, be distrustful, extremely destructive, and overpowering.